How do you tell yourself not to breathe?

He is my mate, and she is his everything. But he chose her, against every single instinct that we both know. For that, I have been whipped, shunned, shamed, disgraced, and broken. All for one moment of madness I could not control...

After two years, I left, unable to bear the pain and loneliness anymore. That was then. This is now!

I am back, and I am not the juvenile I was. I am now a full grown female. I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t. I won’t. I shouldn’t!

Time has healed my wounds, but not the deep scars the whip seared into my flesh or his indifference to my heart. Each breath is a pain, and his scent overwhelms me. But I can smell her in it. He still will not give her up, despite his own body crawling with a deep, physical desire, that only a mate can satisfy...

I breathe: I exist; barely!

I am a midwife. I bring life into a cruel world that haunts me every day, and the Doctor I work with, is the only one in this pack, who holds faith in me. He is the one person who stands up for me - and I feel light again, when I am with him...

What kind of life is this when two mates cannot be together, yet every part of their primal soul yearns for it infinitely? What kind of cruel moon would torture a she-wolf like this? I can’t go on, but I must!

Whatever happens, I must attend to my purpose and give my miserable life some meaning; perhaps I can snatch some joy in pieces, but now, I see that he needs me - but he also wants her too!

How do you tell yourself not to breathe?